what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
