Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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