I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
