Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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