So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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