nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
