it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
