chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
