i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
