Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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