shes about as inviting as chlamydia
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Ladies don't puke and tell
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
