I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm always down for nudity.
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