I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
