I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
So much Jack, so little girl.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
