Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
