Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
