We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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