so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
