I wish my penis had an off switch
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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