One girl and one boy is just not enough.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i think i have two assholes
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
