im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
