Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
