My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
