can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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