dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
