Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
