So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
