i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
