so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
