Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
