i think my tv is drunk
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
