he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
