I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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