I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
