my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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