I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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