That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
