Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
