now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
