There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
