There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
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