i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
