Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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