I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
