Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
