I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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