Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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