Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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