When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
