I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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